I sometimes forget that I have a blog...it's hard to get back into it, especially since I'm so busy at work and try to avoid the computer while at home since I spend so much time in front of it on a daily basis.
So I feel much better than I did when I wrote that last post. I think it was the "healing" I received at church last Sunday. I went to my old church in the Queen City (NC) and the message really hit home- disappointed in God/broken promises. I have had this issue for years and have had trouble shaking it. Well, at the service the minister called those up who felt this way. I, of course, remained in my seat 'cause I never go up for those things. But I was up there in spirit and, I have to say, I felt SO much better after it. Thursday I was driving and smiling and thought, wow, I'm happy again! It's a great feeling- being down sucks.
On Wednesday I saw my ex- he called me that morning and asked if I'd come see him and I consented (he was here in town for work). I was excited to see him- not really sure why- but once I was there and after I left I remembered exactly why I was happy to be rid of him in the first place. He made fun of pics of me and "my A"-- he said that "my A" looked "gay" or "bi" and referred to me as a "f.ag. ha.g"- all while laughing. HOW UNBELIEVABLY RUDE, no? He's a major piece of work. And so insecure. WHY did I EVER put up with him!!?? He ended the evening by saying that he missed me, and he acted sad that we would not be "together" again. I will never see him again, and it's highly likely that I will never hear from him again- now that he knows I'm "dedicated" to "my A" and also that I will be leaving the state this fall.
I think that's all. My life is pretty boring otherwise. Oh, except for the other A still trying to get at me. He's quite persistent- just have to make sure I avoid contact with him in those weak moments when I'm unsure about how I feel about this arrangement with "my A". I saw the other A on Thursday night- I went to see him sing at a lounge here. The next morning I had a text from him saying that he wanted to leave with me when I left that night...I don't know how to handle such attention... This is all very new to me. Kinda overwhelming, kinda strokes my ego.
Hasta.
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2 comments:
i sometimes forget i have a blog too. well, until i get comments from the blog in my e-mail.
well, your ex-boyfriend was clearly jealous (but, you know that) and was trying to poison the well. sometimes all it takes is seeing a person one, last time to remind you why they needed to go.
Hi. Thanks for the comment. I am soooo glad you are back to blogging. I kept meaning to ask you, but didn't want to pressure you... I too have a love/hate relationship with blogging.
I am so glad you are getting the attention you deserve! I am also glad that you are my same friend I've always known. That you are humbled by it and are a bit uncomfortable with the attention. That's what makes you you. :)
I can relate to your talk about God and broken promises. I just went to a lenten mission this week and feel so much closer to God now. It feels good to talk to God and admit to God that you question his role in your life. "I beleive, but help my unbelief."
I am glad that you are feeling happy now.
I also can't beleive you will be moving in 7 months. Wow. It would be hard to make plans and decisions about anything, not to mention love.
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