Hot: Now

Yep- that's me right now. Never in my life have I felt so desired by the opposite sex. And I never would have thought that I would hate it so much.

I feel like new year's resolutions were made specifically about re-contacting me by men who entered and then quickly exited my life.

The first is the cop- he called me the other day and wanted to catch up. He was happy to hear that I am in limbo land with "my A" (that's the last bf I had...have...)- he said, "Great, that will give us time to talk about us...". Wow- didn't know I'd ever hear that- but my newly married friend warned me- They always come back. What's even scarier is that I kinda enjoy talking to him...sometimes it's hard to remember why things crashed and burned. Sometimes I think that we never got a good chance to give it a go because of external circumstances- and he wasn't all bad. But then sometimes I realize that I probably enjoy the chatting because it's familiar and constant- I like that in relationships. I feel like I'm trying to piece together all of the best aspects of the men I've dealt with recently to create one super-man.

The second is the god-brother (of my friend, that is). We met up in July for a happy hour with our mutual friend, who thought we should meet, and this encounter caused a mini fight between me and the cop very early into our "relationship" (like 2 or 3 weeks in). The god-brother fell off the face of the earth, and I tried to track him down, at the urging of our mutual friends, to no avail. But it was okay- no big deal. Fast forward to birthday weekend with my A- we ran into the god-brother who, consequently, has the same name as my A...awkward... Anyway, so yesterday I get a message from the god-brother on crackspace, which leads first to flirtation, then to confessions of wanting to be naughty with me. *jaw drops* I had no clue- I actually thought the opposite. Now he is after me hard-core- which is slightly amusing but mostly disconcerting.

I want to go back under a rock. Being "hot: now" is not all it's cracked up to be- it's a bit overwhelming. I don't really know how to handle it- I'm new to all of this.

So then there's my A- he sent me a cute text message today and I couldn't help but melt. Things were kinda rocky between us prior to him moving, and I actually set out to break up with him on two occasions but never did. And now we're in what I call the "black hole" of our relationship-- I don't actually know what that means, but it seems to describe what I feel very well. I don't actually know where we stand, but I have a sneaky suspicion that he believes us to still be exclusive (which we determined about 4 or so weeks ago). I like him a lot but just don't know if it would work...but I want to give it a try. But he lives 8 hours away...but he wants me to come visit- and I want to go visit. And he lives in a city that I love...where I have friends...where my dream job is...Did I mention that he's 23? I don't care- I still like him.

So at the start of the year I said that I was gonna take a "date break"- I'm a bit overwhelmed, like I said before, and also emotionally exhausted from the last couple of months. I just kinda want to chill for awhile. But I also kinda like the attention. Admitting that is hard, but I've never been in this position before so it's new and exciting, but I also just want to be settled and know what's going on.

In a Zen-like fashion I'm just gonna go with it and not stress out (think water or air or something else fluid...)

Hasta