I sometimes forget that I have a blog...it's hard to get back into it, especially since I'm so busy at work and try to avoid the computer while at home since I spend so much time in front of it on a daily basis.
So I feel much better than I did when I wrote that last post. I think it was the "healing" I received at church last Sunday. I went to my old church in the Queen City (NC) and the message really hit home- disappointed in God/broken promises. I have had this issue for years and have had trouble shaking it. Well, at the service the minister called those up who felt this way. I, of course, remained in my seat 'cause I never go up for those things. But I was up there in spirit and, I have to say, I felt SO much better after it. Thursday I was driving and smiling and thought, wow, I'm happy again! It's a great feeling- being down sucks.
On Wednesday I saw my ex- he called me that morning and asked if I'd come see him and I consented (he was here in town for work). I was excited to see him- not really sure why- but once I was there and after I left I remembered exactly why I was happy to be rid of him in the first place. He made fun of pics of me and "my A"-- he said that "my A" looked "gay" or "bi" and referred to me as a "f.ag. ha.g"- all while laughing. HOW UNBELIEVABLY RUDE, no? He's a major piece of work. And so insecure. WHY did I EVER put up with him!!?? He ended the evening by saying that he missed me, and he acted sad that we would not be "together" again. I will never see him again, and it's highly likely that I will never hear from him again- now that he knows I'm "dedicated" to "my A" and also that I will be leaving the state this fall.
I think that's all. My life is pretty boring otherwise. Oh, except for the other A still trying to get at me. He's quite persistent- just have to make sure I avoid contact with him in those weak moments when I'm unsure about how I feel about this arrangement with "my A". I saw the other A on Thursday night- I went to see him sing at a lounge here. The next morning I had a text from him saying that he wanted to leave with me when I left that night...I don't know how to handle such attention... This is all very new to me. Kinda overwhelming, kinda strokes my ego.
Hasta.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Apparently, I'm a commitment-phobe
I don't know what's wrong with me.
To catch you up, I had a DTR ("defining-the-relationship) talk with "my A" about a week ago and got some clarity on our situation. I found out that we're still "together"- dating exclusively but not entirely "spoken for".
That doesn't make any sense, does it?
This situation makes me a little uneasy and I'm not sure why. "My A" assured me that he's not interested in dating other people at this point (or dating, really), and when I pointed out that he may surprise himself and meet someone (else) he likes up there (because he's in the prime location to do so), he said that I'd be the first to know if something like that happens. I believe him, and I was okay for approximately one week before I began freaking out again.
The issue is that part of me wants to be free. To do what? you may be wondering. I don't know. I have nothing else to do, and doing anything else would be pointless- I'm leaving here in t-minus 7 months (or so) and I have no idea where exactly that will be. The secret desire in my heart is to end up in the DC metro area- not just because of "my A"- not at all. I LOVE the area, I have family and (other) friends there, it's close to my family (both immediate and extended), the shopping is fabulous, and the culture is to die for.
But, the reality is that I could end up in Texas...or Michigan...or Atlanta...or Virginia...or New York State...or Tennessee...
I have a couple of reasons for agreeing to this arrangement with "my A". First, I like him- more than I want to admit. He's super sweet, thoughtful, attentive, and super cuddly and fun to kiss-- all when he's not entirely focused on getting acclimated to his new job. Second, for all of the reasons listed above, I don't want anyone else to have him when he settles into his job. Yeah- I said it- why would I want to miss out on all that, or to know that someone else is experiencing the greatness that is "my A"? Third, if I do end up moving up there, I'll get to be with him and we can see what's up with us. The flip side, of course, is that if I don't move then I won't get to be with him-- I have no intention of trying to do the long distance thing with him because my goal is to settle down for a couple of years wherever I end up, and since he now has a permanent job...it would be pointless. Finally, this situation keeps me from doing other things that I would regret out of sheer boredom and feelings of insecurity- like my ex (the cop) or the other A here in town. "My A" is my safety net of sorts.
*sigh*
Sometimes I think that I'm obsessed with having a relationship, and perhaps I am. And I know why. The main reason is that I know that everything else in my life will work out, pretty much just as I want it to- it always does. But never (romantic) relationships. Ever. I feel like it's always disappointment after disappointment. All near misses. I thought you liked me but I guess you really didn't or I never really thought you liked me and, yep, I was right. Or Woo hoo! This is really working out! but Oh wait, you're moving 4 states away...
The result of all of this is that I can't even imagine 1. myself being mutually attracted to someone; 2. a person who shares my mutual attraction agreeing to give us a go; 3. dating for any period of time...successfully; 4. being proposed to; or 5. planning and having a wedding. It's all a dream to me. I just had dinner with a friend and she said, Do you think we'll be single forever? And I said, It's hard to say, really... I really don't know.
I would feel really self-conscious about my feelings right now if it weren't for my many super single girlfriends who all feel this way- and, believe it or not, some of them are much more bitter than I am (I'm not bitter-- I just lack hope...). We're all attractive, college educated, funny, flexible, and professionals (grad students, MBA's, engineers, teachers, P.A.'s, scientists, etc.)-- "good catches". And we all feel that we're doing something wrong. We've all thrown out our "lists" and are willing to compromise a little (no essentials) to find love. Still nothing. We have trouble seeing our dream fulfilled.
That's enough for now...
To catch you up, I had a DTR ("defining-the-relationship) talk with "my A" about a week ago and got some clarity on our situation. I found out that we're still "together"- dating exclusively but not entirely "spoken for".
That doesn't make any sense, does it?
This situation makes me a little uneasy and I'm not sure why. "My A" assured me that he's not interested in dating other people at this point (or dating, really), and when I pointed out that he may surprise himself and meet someone (else) he likes up there (because he's in the prime location to do so), he said that I'd be the first to know if something like that happens. I believe him, and I was okay for approximately one week before I began freaking out again.
The issue is that part of me wants to be free. To do what? you may be wondering. I don't know. I have nothing else to do, and doing anything else would be pointless- I'm leaving here in t-minus 7 months (or so) and I have no idea where exactly that will be. The secret desire in my heart is to end up in the DC metro area- not just because of "my A"- not at all. I LOVE the area, I have family and (other) friends there, it's close to my family (both immediate and extended), the shopping is fabulous, and the culture is to die for.
But, the reality is that I could end up in Texas...or Michigan...or Atlanta...or Virginia...or New York State...or Tennessee...
I have a couple of reasons for agreeing to this arrangement with "my A". First, I like him- more than I want to admit. He's super sweet, thoughtful, attentive, and super cuddly and fun to kiss-- all when he's not entirely focused on getting acclimated to his new job. Second, for all of the reasons listed above, I don't want anyone else to have him when he settles into his job. Yeah- I said it- why would I want to miss out on all that, or to know that someone else is experiencing the greatness that is "my A"? Third, if I do end up moving up there, I'll get to be with him and we can see what's up with us. The flip side, of course, is that if I don't move then I won't get to be with him-- I have no intention of trying to do the long distance thing with him because my goal is to settle down for a couple of years wherever I end up, and since he now has a permanent job...it would be pointless. Finally, this situation keeps me from doing other things that I would regret out of sheer boredom and feelings of insecurity- like my ex (the cop) or the other A here in town. "My A" is my safety net of sorts.
*sigh*
Sometimes I think that I'm obsessed with having a relationship, and perhaps I am. And I know why. The main reason is that I know that everything else in my life will work out, pretty much just as I want it to- it always does. But never (romantic) relationships. Ever. I feel like it's always disappointment after disappointment. All near misses. I thought you liked me but I guess you really didn't or I never really thought you liked me and, yep, I was right. Or Woo hoo! This is really working out! but Oh wait, you're moving 4 states away...
The result of all of this is that I can't even imagine 1. myself being mutually attracted to someone; 2. a person who shares my mutual attraction agreeing to give us a go; 3. dating for any period of time...successfully; 4. being proposed to; or 5. planning and having a wedding. It's all a dream to me. I just had dinner with a friend and she said, Do you think we'll be single forever? And I said, It's hard to say, really... I really don't know.
I would feel really self-conscious about my feelings right now if it weren't for my many super single girlfriends who all feel this way- and, believe it or not, some of them are much more bitter than I am (I'm not bitter-- I just lack hope...). We're all attractive, college educated, funny, flexible, and professionals (grad students, MBA's, engineers, teachers, P.A.'s, scientists, etc.)-- "good catches". And we all feel that we're doing something wrong. We've all thrown out our "lists" and are willing to compromise a little (no essentials) to find love. Still nothing. We have trouble seeing our dream fulfilled.
That's enough for now...
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Dudes
I had some witty comments to make about my observations of and interactions with men but I'm so brain dead right now that I don't know if I can write a post that will fully live up to the one I imagined in my head.
Men are interesting- and for so many reasons. I have learned a lot about men over the past couple of years and I still have no idea what makes them tick. One thing that I have learned and that I try to keep in mind is that what they say is what they mean- they don't double talk or have hidden messages in their words like I do. Most likely, if they say it they mean it- so I should not spend all of my time trying to find the hidden meaning in statements, text messages, emails, etc- but I do sometimes. I read and re-read emails and think, "What did he really mean when he said 'I can't wait for you to come check me out' or 'Miss you!'?". Yeah- I do that. And it drives me crazy, but I can't fathom how a person can say something and actually mean what they say. I wonder if I ever do that.
Another interesting thing about men is that some of them don't seem to like to "compete" to win the heart of a woman- not Gladiator style, but just in general, just trying to "convince" her that he's the one she wants. Am I saying that I want or need this? No. But I assumed that it happened- maybe I've been listening to too much R&B lately...
Anyway, so the other night I went out to a lounge to hear my friend's godbrother sing (he has the same name as "my A"- so we'll just call him "a"). So I try to get a couple of friends to go, but since I only have party pooper friends no one commits to coming out. So I arrive at the venue alone and see "a" and he proceeds to buy me a drink, then I perch and wait for the show. Then I see a guy I talked to back in September (D) walk in with his roommate (I had invited him but wasn't sure he was coming)- so they sit next to me. After the show, "a" comes up to me and is acting all weird- kinda distant (not that I wanted him to be close, but still...) and he mumbles something about him singing more next week, and then he walks away. I should mention that earlier, during the show, D's like, "So how do you know this guy?" and I explain that I know him through a friend. So at the end of the show the band is still playing and I file out with my boys- D, me, and the roommate- and on the way out I wave at "a" and he mouths (as he is supposed to be singing!) "Is that him?" ("my A") and I say no- just a friend. I haven't heard a peep from "a" since, which is fine and could mean nothing, but it is just noteworthy how these guys were both trying to check out my situation with the other. And the result has been that neither has reapproached. AGAIN, not that I desire either, because I have "my A", but it's just an interesting observation. So it seems that guys, in the (physical) presence of a possible other guy option for a woman, will back down. I think I've been guilty of not backing down in the presence of another woman option for a man-- but maybe that only happened in a dream...
What else...
Actually, I have to go see a client- that's enough for now...
Men are interesting- and for so many reasons. I have learned a lot about men over the past couple of years and I still have no idea what makes them tick. One thing that I have learned and that I try to keep in mind is that what they say is what they mean- they don't double talk or have hidden messages in their words like I do. Most likely, if they say it they mean it- so I should not spend all of my time trying to find the hidden meaning in statements, text messages, emails, etc- but I do sometimes. I read and re-read emails and think, "What did he really mean when he said 'I can't wait for you to come check me out' or 'Miss you!'?". Yeah- I do that. And it drives me crazy, but I can't fathom how a person can say something and actually mean what they say. I wonder if I ever do that.
Another interesting thing about men is that some of them don't seem to like to "compete" to win the heart of a woman- not Gladiator style, but just in general, just trying to "convince" her that he's the one she wants. Am I saying that I want or need this? No. But I assumed that it happened- maybe I've been listening to too much R&B lately...
Anyway, so the other night I went out to a lounge to hear my friend's godbrother sing (he has the same name as "my A"- so we'll just call him "a"). So I try to get a couple of friends to go, but since I only have party pooper friends no one commits to coming out. So I arrive at the venue alone and see "a" and he proceeds to buy me a drink, then I perch and wait for the show. Then I see a guy I talked to back in September (D) walk in with his roommate (I had invited him but wasn't sure he was coming)- so they sit next to me. After the show, "a" comes up to me and is acting all weird- kinda distant (not that I wanted him to be close, but still...) and he mumbles something about him singing more next week, and then he walks away. I should mention that earlier, during the show, D's like, "So how do you know this guy?" and I explain that I know him through a friend. So at the end of the show the band is still playing and I file out with my boys- D, me, and the roommate- and on the way out I wave at "a" and he mouths (as he is supposed to be singing!) "Is that him?" ("my A") and I say no- just a friend. I haven't heard a peep from "a" since, which is fine and could mean nothing, but it is just noteworthy how these guys were both trying to check out my situation with the other. And the result has been that neither has reapproached. AGAIN, not that I desire either, because I have "my A", but it's just an interesting observation. So it seems that guys, in the (physical) presence of a possible other guy option for a woman, will back down. I think I've been guilty of not backing down in the presence of another woman option for a man-- but maybe that only happened in a dream...
What else...
Actually, I have to go see a client- that's enough for now...
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Mini breakdown...but now I'm better
Last night I had a mini breakdown on the phone with my mom. I felt completely out of control- and it's all Dr. Phil's fault. His show yesterday was about dating- I knew immediately that I should avoid it due to my current dating situation, but I forged ahead anyway. The discussion was about a new book called something like "Don't.be.that.girl". I was annoyed by the title and most of the discussion- mostly because it hit too close to home. The book is about the types of behaviors or attitudes women exhibit that (supposedly) interfere with "successful dating". It annoyed me mainly because I'm tired of being told that it's somehow wrong to want to be married. Now, that's not at all what the author was saying, but, in the moment, that's how I felt. My mom believes that I am basically equal to a new college grad in my "worldly experience" and therefore have a couple of years before I even need to think about dating or relationships. This is partly true and partly false. Like a new college grad, I have no idea what it's like to be a "real person"- I've never had real money or a real residence or a real social life- it's all been very temporary, and I am scared of the whole process of entering the lonely real world- "lonely" because it is harder to meet people outside of the academic setting (i.e., remember what it was like to live in a dorm? that's been my life for the past 6 years...). That scares me- I will no longer have the security of being put in a new situation with other new people- most likely I'll be the new person coming into preset environments. The prospect of doing that alone in the absence of other support systems (enter the relationship desire) seems super daunting. I am really excited about the future...just wish I didn't have to go it "alone" because I never have.
So, long, rambling story short, I broke down trying to explain this to mom, and I also was in a pretty negative mood about dating overall (I hate it- it's gut-wrenching and can be no fun- and full of questions) and trying to explain to mom that men seem to have it easier (I can't remember why I thought this- it was probably due to the black cloud hovering over my head). It was ugly- especially when my mom and I came to the conclusion that finding a life partner is basically chance-- this is not good information for a control freak like myself. I wanted to sink into my bed and never come out. But it all turned out okay- I felt better and refocused on finding a job. I feel like my equilibrium has returned- I'm somewhat back on track to my Zen life.
Somewhat.
So, long, rambling story short, I broke down trying to explain this to mom, and I also was in a pretty negative mood about dating overall (I hate it- it's gut-wrenching and can be no fun- and full of questions) and trying to explain to mom that men seem to have it easier (I can't remember why I thought this- it was probably due to the black cloud hovering over my head). It was ugly- especially when my mom and I came to the conclusion that finding a life partner is basically chance-- this is not good information for a control freak like myself. I wanted to sink into my bed and never come out. But it all turned out okay- I felt better and refocused on finding a job. I feel like my equilibrium has returned- I'm somewhat back on track to my Zen life.
Somewhat.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Wavering
So my resolution to live a "Zen" life this year is not holding up so well. It all started on Friday- I realized that I was looking down the barrel of a no-plan weekend and I panicked. Spending the weekend at home, alone, and plan-less was unacceptable. I realized that the past couple of weekends I've been busy doing stuff with friends and family for the holidays, and before that the majority of my weekend was spent with "my A" or other friends- I kept pretty busy. But now that he's gone and the holidays are over I'm left feeling...sad? I can't decide how I feel. Sadness is part of it. A little lonely perhaps. My bff is dating someone and she comes back tomorrow- so that's the end of him. My other good friend here can be a party pooper sometimes but she did go out with me on Friday night for a bit to hear a band we both like. The problem with her, though, is that her ex-boyfriend lives in town and she's having trouble getting over him- but she actually spends quite a bit of time with him and thinking about him. So that's it for my friends here really. I don't know how I managed to keep so busy in the past.
In my boredom on Friday I entertained myself by randomly texting a couple of friends and relatives- one of whom was my ex (the cop). Nobody really bit and I went to bed feeling a bit poopy and lonely. Saturday was a pajama day- I cleaned up and then spent hours watching all the True Life episodes I've DVR'd (one of my FAVORITE shows!). I also went to the gym and entertained myself by making eyes with the new guy I've seen there. After that I returned home and resumed my evening. My ex called me back but we played phone tag so I never got him. While in the gym I got a text message from a guy I talked to for like a month right before I met my A- he asked something about if I had to make a team of all the guys I've talked to, would he be on my team and where (he was bored while driving back here with a friend)- so I answered him and we texted for a bit- that was amusing. Today I went to church and then to the zoo with my coworker and her family and that was a blast. Now I'm blogging...
What needs to happen to alleviate some of my anxiety is that my A and I need to have a talk about what's going on. He sent me a text message on Wednesday informing me that he had upgraded to a king sized bed from a queen (background: we went mattress shopping for him my birthday weekend, and he finally decided on one while in MD), and said that I'll be real comfortable when I come to visit. Okay- so he wants to see me. But how often do we talk? Like twice a week- and not for very long. I talked to a male cousin about this situation right after my A moved, and he suggested that I give him like a month to get moved and settled in before I inquire about our status. But waiting is hard... I don't know what to do. I don't want to have this discussion over the phone- I'd rather wait until I visit- but this in-between place is difficult. Especially when I've got all these other guys vying for my time- which is crazy too. I'm overwhelmed and trying to find that Zen space again. Hopefully I'll be distracted this week with work- put this all off for next weekend.
Hasta
In my boredom on Friday I entertained myself by randomly texting a couple of friends and relatives- one of whom was my ex (the cop). Nobody really bit and I went to bed feeling a bit poopy and lonely. Saturday was a pajama day- I cleaned up and then spent hours watching all the True Life episodes I've DVR'd (one of my FAVORITE shows!). I also went to the gym and entertained myself by making eyes with the new guy I've seen there. After that I returned home and resumed my evening. My ex called me back but we played phone tag so I never got him. While in the gym I got a text message from a guy I talked to for like a month right before I met my A- he asked something about if I had to make a team of all the guys I've talked to, would he be on my team and where (he was bored while driving back here with a friend)- so I answered him and we texted for a bit- that was amusing. Today I went to church and then to the zoo with my coworker and her family and that was a blast. Now I'm blogging...
What needs to happen to alleviate some of my anxiety is that my A and I need to have a talk about what's going on. He sent me a text message on Wednesday informing me that he had upgraded to a king sized bed from a queen (background: we went mattress shopping for him my birthday weekend, and he finally decided on one while in MD), and said that I'll be real comfortable when I come to visit. Okay- so he wants to see me. But how often do we talk? Like twice a week- and not for very long. I talked to a male cousin about this situation right after my A moved, and he suggested that I give him like a month to get moved and settled in before I inquire about our status. But waiting is hard... I don't know what to do. I don't want to have this discussion over the phone- I'd rather wait until I visit- but this in-between place is difficult. Especially when I've got all these other guys vying for my time- which is crazy too. I'm overwhelmed and trying to find that Zen space again. Hopefully I'll be distracted this week with work- put this all off for next weekend.
Hasta
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Hot: Now
Yep- that's me right now. Never in my life have I felt so desired by the opposite sex. And I never would have thought that I would hate it so much.
I feel like new year's resolutions were made specifically about re-contacting me by men who entered and then quickly exited my life.
The first is the cop- he called me the other day and wanted to catch up. He was happy to hear that I am in limbo land with "my A" (that's the last bf I had...have...)- he said, "Great, that will give us time to talk about us...". Wow- didn't know I'd ever hear that- but my newly married friend warned me- They always come back. What's even scarier is that I kinda enjoy talking to him...sometimes it's hard to remember why things crashed and burned. Sometimes I think that we never got a good chance to give it a go because of external circumstances- and he wasn't all bad. But then sometimes I realize that I probably enjoy the chatting because it's familiar and constant- I like that in relationships. I feel like I'm trying to piece together all of the best aspects of the men I've dealt with recently to create one super-man.
The second is the god-brother (of my friend, that is). We met up in July for a happy hour with our mutual friend, who thought we should meet, and this encounter caused a mini fight between me and the cop very early into our "relationship" (like 2 or 3 weeks in). The god-brother fell off the face of the earth, and I tried to track him down, at the urging of our mutual friends, to no avail. But it was okay- no big deal. Fast forward to birthday weekend with my A- we ran into the god-brother who, consequently, has the same name as my A...awkward... Anyway, so yesterday I get a message from the god-brother on crackspace, which leads first to flirtation, then to confessions of wanting to be naughty with me. *jaw drops* I had no clue- I actually thought the opposite. Now he is after me hard-core- which is slightly amusing but mostly disconcerting.
I want to go back under a rock. Being "hot: now" is not all it's cracked up to be- it's a bit overwhelming. I don't really know how to handle it- I'm new to all of this.
So then there's my A- he sent me a cute text message today and I couldn't help but melt. Things were kinda rocky between us prior to him moving, and I actually set out to break up with him on two occasions but never did. And now we're in what I call the "black hole" of our relationship-- I don't actually know what that means, but it seems to describe what I feel very well. I don't actually know where we stand, but I have a sneaky suspicion that he believes us to still be exclusive (which we determined about 4 or so weeks ago). I like him a lot but just don't know if it would work...but I want to give it a try. But he lives 8 hours away...but he wants me to come visit- and I want to go visit. And he lives in a city that I love...where I have friends...where my dream job is...Did I mention that he's 23? I don't care- I still like him.
So at the start of the year I said that I was gonna take a "date break"- I'm a bit overwhelmed, like I said before, and also emotionally exhausted from the last couple of months. I just kinda want to chill for awhile. But I also kinda like the attention. Admitting that is hard, but I've never been in this position before so it's new and exciting, but I also just want to be settled and know what's going on.
In a Zen-like fashion I'm just gonna go with it and not stress out (think water or air or something else fluid...)
Hasta
I feel like new year's resolutions were made specifically about re-contacting me by men who entered and then quickly exited my life.
The first is the cop- he called me the other day and wanted to catch up. He was happy to hear that I am in limbo land with "my A" (that's the last bf I had...have...)- he said, "Great, that will give us time to talk about us...". Wow- didn't know I'd ever hear that- but my newly married friend warned me- They always come back. What's even scarier is that I kinda enjoy talking to him...sometimes it's hard to remember why things crashed and burned. Sometimes I think that we never got a good chance to give it a go because of external circumstances- and he wasn't all bad. But then sometimes I realize that I probably enjoy the chatting because it's familiar and constant- I like that in relationships. I feel like I'm trying to piece together all of the best aspects of the men I've dealt with recently to create one super-man.
The second is the god-brother (of my friend, that is). We met up in July for a happy hour with our mutual friend, who thought we should meet, and this encounter caused a mini fight between me and the cop very early into our "relationship" (like 2 or 3 weeks in). The god-brother fell off the face of the earth, and I tried to track him down, at the urging of our mutual friends, to no avail. But it was okay- no big deal. Fast forward to birthday weekend with my A- we ran into the god-brother who, consequently, has the same name as my A...awkward... Anyway, so yesterday I get a message from the god-brother on crackspace, which leads first to flirtation, then to confessions of wanting to be naughty with me. *jaw drops* I had no clue- I actually thought the opposite. Now he is after me hard-core- which is slightly amusing but mostly disconcerting.
I want to go back under a rock. Being "hot: now" is not all it's cracked up to be- it's a bit overwhelming. I don't really know how to handle it- I'm new to all of this.
So then there's my A- he sent me a cute text message today and I couldn't help but melt. Things were kinda rocky between us prior to him moving, and I actually set out to break up with him on two occasions but never did. And now we're in what I call the "black hole" of our relationship-- I don't actually know what that means, but it seems to describe what I feel very well. I don't actually know where we stand, but I have a sneaky suspicion that he believes us to still be exclusive (which we determined about 4 or so weeks ago). I like him a lot but just don't know if it would work...but I want to give it a try. But he lives 8 hours away...but he wants me to come visit- and I want to go visit. And he lives in a city that I love...where I have friends...where my dream job is...Did I mention that he's 23? I don't care- I still like him.
So at the start of the year I said that I was gonna take a "date break"- I'm a bit overwhelmed, like I said before, and also emotionally exhausted from the last couple of months. I just kinda want to chill for awhile. But I also kinda like the attention. Admitting that is hard, but I've never been in this position before so it's new and exciting, but I also just want to be settled and know what's going on.
In a Zen-like fashion I'm just gonna go with it and not stress out (think water or air or something else fluid...)
Hasta
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
I'm Back
So it's 2008 and I've spent the entire day in bed watching the A.N.T.M. Modelthon-- just because I can. There is a small part of me that wants to be a little depressed about the way 2007 ended and 2008 began, but there is another part of me that is 100% confident that things will be so fabulous in 2008 that the past won't matter.
I'm truly excited about 2008. One thing is for sure- I will be done with grad school by the end of this year- hopefully by August, but I'll take December if it takes that long. No matter what, I will have a job in August- I don't know where, but I'm excited about the possibilities. I've already applied for a handful of jobs, and it is expected that the floodgates of jobs will open here soon- once universities open back up (aka tomorrow).
So a quick recap since the old blog was removed:
- I moved to the south and started my final internship at a university counseling center- I love it so much. I love the people I work with, I love what I do, I love my office, I love the other interns, love, love LOVE. I'm happy- unlike when I lived in "un.happy.valley".
- I have had a "plethora" of dating experiences since July. So much so that I am exhausted and want to take a dating break. I'm currently in dating limbo with the last guy I dated- mostly because he moved to Baltimore a couple of weeks ago for work. (*booing*) But I'm really happy for him...
- My dissertation is a big flop. Talking about it brings up a well of emotions so I avoid it. But I'm putting the pedal to the metal this semester and getting that thing done- and I'll never do research again afterwards...or I'll take a break and reapproach it when the dust settles.
I'll end for today with a meme (thanks blog friend :D)
1) Where did you begin 2007?
With my parents and siblings in the middle of nowhere, MD- watching a movie
2) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Super single- as usual
3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Yep- still- about 10 years of higher ed and counting...
4) How did you earn your money?
Graduate assistant- and then as an intern
5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Not the hospital, but I had a spell where I frequented the doctor's office quite a bit...glad that's over...
6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
Yeah- I dated one for like 2.5 months LOL
7) Where did you go on holidays?
July 4th- FL with a college friend; Thanksgiving- middle of nowhere, NY State; Christmas- NC and Detroit for a wedding
8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
Nothing
9) Do you know anybody who got married?
Yep- I was the sole bridesmaid for a grad school friend in Detroit
10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
2 great uncles
12) Did you move anywhere?
Yeah- back to the south in June
14) What concerts/shows did you go to?
None-- I did want to check out that R tour, though...
15) Are you registered to vote?
Probably not- I was in PA but I have not yet registered here...I need to get on that- the primaries are very soon here...
16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?
That show is lame...
17) Where do you live now?
The capital, Carolina del Sur
18) Describe your birthday.
Perhaps the best birthday EVER. The guy I was dating at the time (am still dating??) took me out to dinner (where he arranged to have them sing to me and bring me a cupcake with orange frosting- he listens...), then out to drinks at a cool lounge here, then gave me a massage- complete with hot towels and lotion :) THEN, on my actual birthday, he brought a sheet cake to my office (he LISTENS) during lunch to surprise me :) *sigh*
19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007?
Many, many things...
20) What has been your favorite moment?
I have had a lot of really good moments in 2007- mostly since moving to the south- so I can't pick just one
21) What's something you learned about yourself?
I can really do this- be a therapist.
22) Any new additions to your family?
Nope
23.) What was your best month?
End of October- beginning of November- when I started dating A
24.) What music will you remember 2007 by?
All of the "dime a dozen" songs that came out that I crank up when I hear them on the radio LOL It's funny how I despise them yet enjoy them tremendously. And, PS, I'm super excited that I actually live in a place where I can hear the most up to date music! I also recently acquired John Legends newest CD and I love it- so it'll probably be significant to me for a while
25) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Riesling...
26)Make any new friends?
Quite a few- with my new job and all
27) Have you made a New Years Resolution?
Not anything specific. But I have decided overall to leave all of the worries and silly concerns of 2007 and past years behind- I'm looking forward to a new year
28) Favorite Night out?
This year? The one with A for my bday
29) Will you end this year with the same mate you started it with?
Nope- I ended the year the same way I started it- single :D (I think...)
30) What are your plans for Christmas?
Hung out with the fam in NC- and had some good QT with the cuzins
31) What are your plans and hopes for 2008?
I agree with blkbutterfly- more peace, clarity, wisdom, and understanding. I want a Zen life this year.
Hasta pronto.
I'm truly excited about 2008. One thing is for sure- I will be done with grad school by the end of this year- hopefully by August, but I'll take December if it takes that long. No matter what, I will have a job in August- I don't know where, but I'm excited about the possibilities. I've already applied for a handful of jobs, and it is expected that the floodgates of jobs will open here soon- once universities open back up (aka tomorrow).
So a quick recap since the old blog was removed:
- I moved to the south and started my final internship at a university counseling center- I love it so much. I love the people I work with, I love what I do, I love my office, I love the other interns, love, love LOVE. I'm happy- unlike when I lived in "un.happy.valley".
- I have had a "plethora" of dating experiences since July. So much so that I am exhausted and want to take a dating break. I'm currently in dating limbo with the last guy I dated- mostly because he moved to Baltimore a couple of weeks ago for work. (*booing*) But I'm really happy for him...
- My dissertation is a big flop. Talking about it brings up a well of emotions so I avoid it. But I'm putting the pedal to the metal this semester and getting that thing done- and I'll never do research again afterwards...or I'll take a break and reapproach it when the dust settles.
I'll end for today with a meme (thanks blog friend :D)
1) Where did you begin 2007?
With my parents and siblings in the middle of nowhere, MD- watching a movie
2) What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Super single- as usual
3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Yep- still- about 10 years of higher ed and counting...
4) How did you earn your money?
Graduate assistant- and then as an intern
5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Not the hospital, but I had a spell where I frequented the doctor's office quite a bit...glad that's over...
6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
Yeah- I dated one for like 2.5 months LOL
7) Where did you go on holidays?
July 4th- FL with a college friend; Thanksgiving- middle of nowhere, NY State; Christmas- NC and Detroit for a wedding
8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
Nothing
9) Do you know anybody who got married?
Yep- I was the sole bridesmaid for a grad school friend in Detroit
10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
2 great uncles
12) Did you move anywhere?
Yeah- back to the south in June
14) What concerts/shows did you go to?
None-- I did want to check out that R tour, though...
15) Are you registered to vote?
Probably not- I was in PA but I have not yet registered here...I need to get on that- the primaries are very soon here...
16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?
That show is lame...
17) Where do you live now?
The capital, Carolina del Sur
18) Describe your birthday.
Perhaps the best birthday EVER. The guy I was dating at the time (am still dating??) took me out to dinner (where he arranged to have them sing to me and bring me a cupcake with orange frosting- he listens...), then out to drinks at a cool lounge here, then gave me a massage- complete with hot towels and lotion :) THEN, on my actual birthday, he brought a sheet cake to my office (he LISTENS) during lunch to surprise me :) *sigh*
19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007?
Many, many things...
20) What has been your favorite moment?
I have had a lot of really good moments in 2007- mostly since moving to the south- so I can't pick just one
21) What's something you learned about yourself?
I can really do this- be a therapist.
22) Any new additions to your family?
Nope
23.) What was your best month?
End of October- beginning of November- when I started dating A
24.) What music will you remember 2007 by?
All of the "dime a dozen" songs that came out that I crank up when I hear them on the radio LOL It's funny how I despise them yet enjoy them tremendously. And, PS, I'm super excited that I actually live in a place where I can hear the most up to date music! I also recently acquired John Legends newest CD and I love it- so it'll probably be significant to me for a while
25) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Riesling...
26)Make any new friends?
Quite a few- with my new job and all
27) Have you made a New Years Resolution?
Not anything specific. But I have decided overall to leave all of the worries and silly concerns of 2007 and past years behind- I'm looking forward to a new year
28) Favorite Night out?
This year? The one with A for my bday
29) Will you end this year with the same mate you started it with?
Nope- I ended the year the same way I started it- single :D (I think...)
30) What are your plans for Christmas?
Hung out with the fam in NC- and had some good QT with the cuzins
31) What are your plans and hopes for 2008?
I agree with blkbutterfly- more peace, clarity, wisdom, and understanding. I want a Zen life this year.
Hasta pronto.
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