Minor (emotional) setback

So right now I'm feeling...kinda sad.

Quick (man) update: the guy I met in DC is still around- we are in contact daily (through text messages) and are "talking". I like him a lot and he says he likes me a lot. We have really good chemistry and can talk forever about whatever. And he drove 2.5 hours out of his way to see me during a layover at an airport on my way home from seeing my family. He's a keeper.

But lately I've found myself really sad and missing "A". I don't understand this phenomenon. I have all that I want, yet I miss someone who did not give me what I wanted.

Can anyone explain this?

I called a friend for reinforcements because I was near tears this afternoon. I looked at his profile (on a social network thingy) and he had added some pics- and one was with a "new (female) friend" of his, and I decided that she would be his next girlfriend. I was super sad about it, even though I am dating who will probably be my next boyfriend (<-- and I'm really excited about this!!). It's all crazy. For some reason I have convinced myself that he will change his whole "I need one year of being friends with someone before I will consider dating them" rule to boo-up this girl. I just know it. And I will be heartbroken. Okay, I'm being super dramatic, but do you get my drift?

It's only been a month since we crashed and burned, so the reality of the situation is still kinda new for me. Although I have known for awhile, and probably knew the entire time A and I dated, that we are at different stages of our lives and have different relationship goals, part of me (perhaps) still wants to be with him. Actually, more accurately, I don't want him to be with anyone else yet. I have the idea that men are able to turn feelings off and on at will, so I imagine that he no longer cares at all about me and is not sad about the downfall of our relationship. I know that this is not true, but I allow myself to be hurt by the possibility that it is the truth.

I wish that it hadn't ended the way it did. Sometimes I wish it had never happened at all.

News!!

Well, the universe has spoken. I have a job!

I will be moving to BMore, MD to work as a postdoc at a small, Je.suit College there. I got the job offer on Wednesday and accepted it on Thursday! I'm super excited about 1. being done with school; 2. living in a REAL city, especially one that is close to perhaps my favorite city ever; and 3. becoming a real person.

It all seems so surreal. I can't believe that I just spent the last 4 years of my life pursuing a doctorate and that in August it will all be over- and I will be Dr. S! It's crazy.

I'm speechless-- perhaps I'll come back when I get myself together...